[Intro]
(In the bus)
Puff Puff: What a total fail! I swear to god, someday when somebody does show up for our signing, I'm gonna treat that fan like my new best friend.
(Camera flash)
Wilton: That's going in my YFM scrapbook.
I'm Wilton, I'm your number one fan. Puff Puff, you're like a god to me.
(Sniff) This bus smells just like the sock you left backstage at the [roxy].
DeeJay: Oh boy yeah uh, getting late uh. This [sound]'s over, kid.
Wilton: Oh I get it. I'm not cool enough to hang out with you guys.
(Benatar, Axel & DeeJay nod)
Puff Puff: What?! Dude, you're gonna hang with the martian tonight. In fact, Wilton is my new best friend.
DeeJay: (Whispering to Puff) Can't you see that this fucking dweeb wants to murder you and then wear your skin as a mask? He's a goddamn stalker, man.
Puff Puff: Please. A stalker would have like a huge tattoo of me on his chest.
All right, who's down to party with me and my main fan Wilton here? Otherwise, peace the fuck out.
"(Three seconds later)"
Puff Puff: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, are you guys really peacing out? I mean Wil's gonna teach us to play dungeons and dragons.
DeeJay: Right. Just in case, I left taser under your pillow man.
Wilton: Ready to encounter my fiery Balrog?
Puff Puff: That sounds like a gay thing. Is that a gay thing?
(Inside the bus)
Wilton: (Showing his scrapbook to Puff) That's you playing emo's coffee. Here you're asleep backstage at the cosmic club.
Puff Puff: Wait, and that's my head crowning out of my mom's huge vagina!
Wilton: Yes!
Puff Puff: Awesome! You gotta make me a copy! I have the weirdest boner...
(At couch)
Wilton: This has been the greatest night of my life.
Puff Puff: Greatest night till we party again, bro!
Wilton: Well, guess I'll be going.
Puff Puff: Crash here, man! Use Benatar's bunk, he fuckin' sucks.
Wilton: Awesomesauce!
"(Later...)"
(Puff sleeping in his bunk. Wilton approaches)
Puff Puff: Nice PJs, dude!
Wilton: Thanks, I've got a special surprise for you.
Puff Puff: Is it a blow-up doll of Oprah?
Wilton: Nya ah ah, I'll give it to you first thing when you wake up. (Evil laughter)
(Reveals a tattoo of Puff on his chest)
(Turns off lights)
(Dialing number sounds)
DeeJay (on phone): Hey, Puff. You there yet?
Puff Puff: He's asleep. You were right DeeJay, you gotta save-
(Lights turn on)
Wilton: (Holding a pillow) I can't wait anymore, this is for you!
(Puff gets the taser and tases Wilton in his testicles)
Axel: Puff!
DeeJay: Ugh, Puff, what you doin'?
Axel: I thought you were getting killed.
DeeJay: Are you fuckin' him?
Wilton: I thought we were bros, bros don't tase each other in the BALLS!
Puff Puff: You were the one going all nightmare on nerd street on me. Tryna smother me in my sleep, you crazy bastard.
Wilton: I did not. I made a pillow for you. (Whimpering)
DeeJay: This pillow?
Wilton: Yes.
DeeJay: This shit is hand embroidered! Wilton's not tryna kill you.
Axel: Yeah, dumbass. Nobody worked that hard on a murder weapon.
Puff Puff: Oh, come on. You guys thought he was a stalker first.
DeeJay: We all make mistakes man. But you just made a big one. You alienated our only fan.
Puff Puff: I'm sorry I tased you, bro. I'll do anything to make it up to you.
Wilton: *Gasp* Anything?
Puff Puff: Oh shit.
(Next day, Puff with a Wilton tattoo on his chest)
Axel: When you said anything, I bet you didn't expect that. Pretty metal, also little gay.
Puff Puff: Shut up, Axel. You b... bitch.
[Outro]