[Intro]
(At beach)
Puff Puff: So, this is where the Brock hangs out when you aren't working security.
Brock: This is my heaven, the Jersey Shore. It's full of bros. (Eyyy!)
Supa hot panty droppers. (Eyyy!)
Puff Puff: Excuse me, gentlemen, I have to see a bout of boobs.
(Puff approaches a lady)
Puff Puff: Pardon me, if I said you had a beautiful body, could I put my penis in it?
(Puff gets punched by one of the douchebags)
Puff Puff: Ahow, Hey! Okay okay, I'll put my penis in you too!
[Punching noises behind a black screen]
Puff Puff: See that? I was about to score!
Brock: Don't sweat it Puff, you got douchebagged. It happens.
Puff Puff: Screw that guy! You know what? I'm gonna get twice as buff and twice as "douchy" as any of these pricks!
Brock: My "Get Rock with Brock" regimen will douche up even the scrawniest kitten of a man!
Puff Puff: Then it'll definitely work for me, cuz I'm already pretty buff!
Brock: You will learn quickly young asshopper!
[Fight to Win (feat. Destorm) plays during the training montage]
Brock: Do you wanna ride that manatee, homo? You tame that manatee!
Puff Puff: Whoa, whoa! Easy, girl...
Brock: It is time. (cries tear)
Axel: Nice buttress, DeeJay!
DeeJay: Yo mama thought so too!
Puff Puff: WHO'S UP FOR A LITTLE MAN ON MAN ACTION- That came out wrong... Let's go kick some douchebag ass!
Timmex: Back for more, huh? Do a couple sit-ups and you think you're hot shit?
Puff Puff: GET OVER HERE!
Timmex's Girlfriend: TIMMEX!
HADOKEN!
Timmex's Girlfriend: (gasps)
Puff Puff: I. am. DOUCHE!
Brock: We might wanna dial back his vitamin cocktail...
DeeJay: Man, fuck Puff! This n***a's three hours late and shit-
Puff Puff: Puff Puff, all up in here, BEOTCHES!
DeeJay: Man, what happened to you? You're such a fucking douche now!
Puff Puff: Eyyy! Thanks, DeeJay! Alright! Let's get this practice done so I can get my di- (unintelligible noises)
OoOoOoooOo Gggrrr... GGggirrlerm (coughing), What the fuck? I can't sing!
Brock: Yes! You're a douchebag now, Puff! You have to let certain things go like: Listening to NPR, wearing glasses, or having talent!
Puff Puff: NO! I love my muscles, but it's not worth it!
DeeJay: Can't we reverse it, Brock?
Brock: Well, it's difficult. Being a douche at this level is serious, but there is one way.
Puff Puff: Harry Potter?
Brock: Read it, and don't come back until you know what happened... at Hogwarts...
[Several hours later...]
Puff Puff: Hey fellas! Let's play some tunes!
Axel: It's a miracle! How can this has happened?
Brock: The only way to de-douche completely is to read a hard book, from cover to cover.
DeeJay: Harry Potter? Man, how hard is that?
Puff Puff: Hard as this MOBY DICK ma'fucka!
Axel: Aww! you'll always be a douche to us, Puff Puff! Seriously, you're a douche.
[Outro]